Love, Hate.

If you love someone, you run the risk of not loving them one day. You run the risk of seeing them in a grocery store years later and hiding behind the display of bananas so you won’t have to say anything to them and pretend that the love never happened. It’s funny, isn’t it? When you run into someone like your childhood best friend (the one you haven’t seen in years, the one who became a Christian and has a Coach bag), you say hello. You hug, quickly find out what they’re doing with their life, if they’re happy, and then you move on. Sure, it’s awkward, and there might be a temporary ache in your chest afterwards (time can be unkind) but you acknowledge them, you pay tribute with a smile, a hug, a “How are you doing?”

With the people you once loved, the people that once had an all-access pass to the most intimate details of your life, you sometimes can’t pay tribute. You can’t ask them about their work, their travels, or god forbid, their family. Your mind can’t process it. They can only exist in black and white; they can either be everything or nothing. You say hello to the person you played with when you were five, and ignore the person whose cum you swallowed, who once cried to you in a cab because everything was going wrong and oh my god, you wanted to help them, wanted to save them.

Who do we hold on to and who do we force ourselves to forget? The hardest thing about love often seems to be the extremes. How quickly it can go from “hold me through the night” to “get fuck off of me.” One day you’re in a hotel gift shop with the person you love and you look over at them and start to see different things, things you wish you were never able to see. This is the beginning of the end, the beginning of “get the fuck off of me.” You know in that moment that you’ll be ignoring them five years from now in a grocery store.

You always have the ability to hate someone you love. Hate is passion just like love is passion. You must know this when you sign the love contract. “I hereby acknowledge that loving you carries the potential for disaster. I hereby acknowledge the possibility of hating your fucking guts!!!” Will this stop anyone from loving? More importantly, should it? No.

In a way, hate can be the best compliment next to love. Because the second you’re able to come up to your ex in that grocery store or on the street, you’ve healed and moved on.  The love exists now in a healthy compartment in your brain or not at all. This is all very well and good, but it also means that it’s truly done. Technically, this is what’s supposed to happen. This is the path you’re supposed to be on. But losing the passion can sometimes be the hardest thing to give up. Holding on to feelings, whether it’s love or hate, reminds you that you’re still alive and that the relationship happened. Or something.

Amongst the Butterflies.

Lie with me a while
Down by the bed of roses,
Settle down beside me
And remind me of the stars

Wonder me with those eyes,
The palest blue and greenery
Hold me close to the skies
Watch the stars gaze down lightly

Follow my call in silence
I beseech you to be mine
Standing by your side Everes
My heart is lovingly thine

Bleeding Earth.

If you were to stand on a satellite orbiting the earth, everything would look like it’s at absolute harmony, the deep blue oceans scattered with its masses of brown and green land with cloud blankets hovering above them. Nothing would seem out of the ordinary except when you start to descend down towards it and touch down on the ground. On the surface is a totally different story, one of devastation and destruction.

Earth is in danger of losing what sets it apart from other planets, the existence of life. With everyday that goes by, some feature of earth or form of life is threatened of its existence by the phenomenon of global climate change and the avarice of man. In our callous pursuit of riches, we have abused our earths resources, endangered its inhabitants and raped the future of life.

Everyday, animals are affected as their habitats are lost to modernization, trees are cut down without remorse, skies are saturated with toxic chemicals and yet nothing significant is being done to stop it. Though we maybe the smartest species on earth and at the same time the dummest, to have engineered our own destruction, we are lucky to have realized what we have caused.

We seriously have taken for granted everything we should spend so much time taking care of and conserving. Even now as your reading this, your using electricity that maybe generated by means of a thermal power plant which pours pollutants into the air every second thereby contributing to global warming. Has that ever occurred to you?

So now we are at a crucial pivoting point to what will become of life to come. We can either change our ways and counter climate change or we cant just let it be and rape the future for those to come after us. The choice is obvious, we have to stop the pollution and end the abuse of our earth because without earth there is no life.

The earth is bleeding today because we have abused it with our so-called change. So if it is change that started this, then it should very well be change that should end it.

Happy House.

I want a house in the hills,
with pristine views of the skies
and the forgotten mills.

I want the linen on my bed,
to speak to me in riddles
and leave me with stories worthy of pickles.

I want a stone fire place,
with skewers made of iron
and a fire that mimics a dancer’s grace.

I want my cutlery to be happy and queer,
with mismatching colours of the rainbow
to leave my guests puzzled with cheer.

I want the sunshine and I want the rain,
and when you walk in through that door,
I want you to blink back in amaze.

JAMES BLAKE.

I love the mess of it. The search for harmony. And the autotune as an art.

Enjoy!

A Girl Who..

"Date a girl who reads. Date a girl who spends her money on books instead of clothes. She has problems with closet space because she has too many books. Date a girl who has a list of books she wants to read, who has had a library card since she was twelve.

Find a girl who reads. You’ll know that she does because she will always have an unread book in her bag.She’s the one lovingly looking over the shelves in the bookstore, the one who quietly cries out when she finds the book she wants. You see the weird chick sniffing the pages of an old book in a second hand book shop? That’s the reader. They can never resist smelling the pages, especially when they are yellow.

She’s the girl reading while waiting in that coffee shop down the street. If you take a peek at her mug, the non-dairy creamer is floating on top because she’s kind of engrossed already. Lost in a world of the author’s making. Sit down. She might give you a glare, as most girls who read do not like to be interrupted. Ask her if she likes the book.

Buy her another cup of coffee.

Let her know what you really think of Murakami. See if she got through the first chapter of Fellowship. Understand that if she says she understood James Joyce’s Ulysses she’s just saying that to sound intelligent. Ask her if she loves Alice or she would like to be Alice.

It’s easy to date a girl who reads. Give her books for her birthday, for Christmas and for anniversaries. Give her the gift of words, in poetry, in song. Give her Neruda, Pound, Sexton, Cummings. Let her know that you understand that words are love. Understand that she knows the difference between books and reality but by god, she’s going to try to make her life a little like her favorite book. It will never be your fault if she does.

She has to give it a shot somehow.

Lie to her. If she understands syntax, she will understand your need to lie. Behind words are other things: motivation, value, nuance, dialogue. It will not be the end of the world.

Fail her. Because a girl who reads knows that failure always leads up to the climax. Because girls who understand that all things will come to end. That you can always write a sequel. That you can begin again and again and still be the hero. That life is meant to have a villain or two.

Why be frightened of everything that you are not? Girls who read understand that people, like characters, develop. Except in the Twilight series.

If you find a girl who reads, keep her close. When you find her up at 2 AM clutching a book to her chest and weeping, make her a cup of tea and hold her. You may lose her for a couple of hours but she will always come back to you. She’ll talk as if the characters in the book are real, because for a while, they always are.

You will propose on a hot air balloon. Or during a rock concert. Or very casually next time she’s sick. Over Skype.

You will smile so hard you will wonder why your heart hasn’t burst and bled out all over your chest yet. You will write the story of your lives, have kids with strange names and even stranger tastes. She will introduce your children to the Cat in the Hat and Aslan, maybe in the same day. You will walk the winters of your old age together and she will recite Keats under her breath while you shake the snow off your boots.

Date a girl who reads because you deserve it. You deserve a girl who can give you the most colorful life imaginable. If you can only give her monotony, and stale hours and half-baked proposals, then you’re better off alone. If you want the world and the worlds beyond it, date a girl who reads.

Or better yet, date a girl who writes."
— Rosemary Urquico

Evol.

I have a theory: I think it’s easier to love the people who you know will never love you back, like celebrities or older men you see around, because they can’t hurt you on purpose. You can love them and give them your heart, but you do not trust them with it because you’re aware that they’ll probably break it. But you know that when you give your heart to them. When you they do break your heart, like when they kiss their celebrity girlfriend or hold hands with someone else, you can’t blame them, because they don’t even know they’re hurting you. It’s different from loving someone who loves you back. The piece of your heart that you give to them is breakable, yet you trust them not to break it. You trust them to protect it when someone else comes along to test its strength. And when you see them break your heart, it hurts so much more, because they know what they’re doing to you, and they do it anyway. How sad is that?

The Butterfly Effect.

The flap of a butterfly's wings in Brazil can set off a storm in Texas. Isn't that amazing? Physicists call this theory "The Butterfly Effect". The breeze produced by a butterfly's wings could set of a series of reverberations that over time have a tremendous affect on weather patterns thousands of miles away. Imagine the effect of millions of butterflies.

Now bloggers and readers alike, if a butterfly can cause a storm thousands of miles away.
Imagine what impact we as a people can have United.

One Love. One Heart. One Voice.
Peace. x

Nauseous Regrets.

I stepped into the room inhaling the remnants of your fading perfume. I looked for you in the empty corners. I painted your ghost on the cushions. I stood and listened to your silent whispers. I attempted to siphon your words from the memory of the wood, the space in a thought. I drew your gestures in the nonexistent breeze. Swift flutters of dust outline your memory. Half empty teacups and unsettled pillows scream of your presence. I held your breath close to my ear. The rising and falling cadences of your voice played notes across my skin. Your empty smile, your hollow eyes, I closed my eyes and saw you there, clear as my fingers before me. I waited. Fearing that you would appear, hoping that these memories would be all that I had -I waited.

edited for sarah k.

f men. f them to the hell they came from.

f society for setting all these rules: he opens the door. he proposes. he pays. he's macho. he's your hero. false... he's a douche. that's what he f-ing is. these rules just reduce women to waiting, hopeful idiots. you wait, and primp and wait and primp and wait. you wait for the one. then you wait for the one that opens doors, that gets on his knees, that proposes, that sweeps you off your feet and melts your heart with a smile- you start to think, if i were just skinnier, if my hair lay just so, if my skin glittered like butter, if my eyes shone like the moon, if i ran longer on the treadmill, if i fit a size 2, if i withstand the pain of the heels. if i look at him at the right moment, if i bat my lashes. if i grow my lashes. if i smiled, if i read and laughed and was the most entertaining in the room, he will come. and you wait just like that.

but you'll wait forever. because statistics, good old mathematics is not on your side. the percentage of men who fit the expectations pumped into us by society, is in fact very small. in my mind it is 0.3%.

mr. darcy doesn't exist.

and you know why? because miss austen, poor, old jaded miss austen is another me. she is a dreamer, someone who doesn't find love and then imagines the best kind, and then makes it into a person- this one man who encompasses all good in the world. in my case, it was sirius black. if austen had truly fallen in love, her stories would have taken a different turn, probably to the likes of a heathcliff and catherine story.

lesson: the heroine and the rich, smart, fedora wearing, cigarette smoking, cool-line spouting man never get together in reality.

and so, to all of you. i bid you a bad evening and a head full of nightmares.

How Could You Be So Heartless?

Hey beautiful people :)

MY INTERNET WENT M.I.A ON ME FOR ONE DAMN WEEK! CAN YOU IMAGINE?! I mean I was getting so heated up I actually asked a friend to log in my facebook and let me know what's going on. I swear imma need facebook rehab soon, its ridiculous.

Annnnnd shout-out to Joey! I'm sorry boo. Here's your long awaited post hehe. Oops :)

Anyhow, so Tia thinks I was slightly too harsh in my last post, and i'm turning into a feminist. Haha, puh-lease. Right!?

But allow it. That sinking in decided we be turning the tables over. Y'all know I gotta keep it neutral ;)

Tonight i'm giving you the priviledge of going inside the mind of a certain boy. Actually applies to most if not all boys, or men, shall we say? I think it's important them ladies understand what's going on, you know?

Instead of easily pointing out the stereotypical "player" label, I mean come on, there IS a reason for everything.

You probably wondering how I know, well we've spent alot of time together and although we lost most contact now (thank you distance, once again)

He was my ex, we had our differences, we're close friends now. In a way i'm glad, learnt so much from him.

He grew up sympathizing with Hip Hop ballads like LL Cool J’s I Need Love and harmonizing with RnB classics like Ralph Tresvant’s Girlfriend. He would relate to lines from artists like Diddy, who begged for “one bad chick so I could spoil her”.

No WAY would he ever be a player. He would wake up every day, look in the mirror, and tell himself that it’s too far-fetched for him to be that man who dogged out women. He's way too emotional. He cared about people’s feelings. Then he started noticing that not all players are cut throat. Not all willfully disrespect woman.

But most importantly, the biggest ones were the most affectionate and emotional. Generally, they were mama’s boys, like him, who desired nothing more than the attention of a woman in search of the affection and pampering they received growing up. And since no one can live up to mama, options expand, and the roster grows. Now he listens to tracks from R. Kelly, and he relates to every line from Playas Get Lonely as “I let my drinks decide who’s the next chick.”

By some twist of fate, he had become a...*drumroll*...

Yep! That's it. Right there.

A womanizer.

He remembers, when he was 10 his godbrother told him you need to have game to get a female. Godbrother had all the women, and (let's call him Kanye :D) Kanye, had none. So he went to his room, took out a composition book, wrote “Game” at the top. He remembers being laughed at for the clothes he wore. So he started watching music videos, and dressed just like them. He was teased because of his round lining on his hair, so he made sure that his lining never took away from his wavy hair.

He learned that laughter was the easiest way to stay on a girl’s mind and keep them thinking of you, so he perfected his silliness and went from annoying to comical. But most importantly, he learned the pattern to Pac Man. OH yeah. EVERYone knows every level on Pac Man has a pattern ;)

And as long as you follow it, you can’t lose. For women, it’s their ego. Take what they love the most about themselves, and pretend to not notice it. Take what they are the most subconscious about, and embrace them for it. Suddenly, they can’t get enough of you. By the time Kanye reached high school, he was a true student of “the game”, but his transformation was not complete.

He learned the 11th man theory, and never looked back. Take the most beautiful woman, and surround her with 10 men who constantly tell her how beautiful she is and worship her. She doesn’t want them. But the 11th man comes in, acknowledges her, and proceeds to ignore her. That’s the man she wants, the one who could care less.

So Kanye perfected acting as if he didn’t notice them, and as expected, he became highly sought after. And he'd intend to fall in love, but didn’t realize he was subconsciously manipulating multiple women.

He desired them all. No intentions to hurt them or lead them on, but enjoy their attention and to let them know he noticed them noticing him, and he thought of them.

He told himself it was harmless because he was single, and when he does make the commitment, it would all cease. He now laughs at that logic, the bachelor’s contradiction. Because somehow or another, the commitment never came.

He would ask himself every day, why don’t I have just one? Why is it no one will ever be my one and only? I have so much love to give, but no single person to share it with. But that’s because he was unknowingly sharing love with ALL of them. Now to be honest, he genuinely loved every woman he has ever been with, even if it was just for the moment. He never meant to deceive or lead anyone on. At times he even felt they were taking advantage of him.

How easy it is to blame everyone else than to acknowledge your own shortcomings.

His heart was telling him he wanted just one, but his ego had hold of his actions. He needed this girl for this, didn’t want to hurt this girl with that, and saw so much potential in them all. He was slowly gaining the love he wanted in pieces, instead of finding the whole.

What gets lost with both men and women is that some of the worst players, aren’t outright dogs. They were the ones who didn’t have what it took to originally get who they wanted, so they transformed to be more desirable. And somewhere in that transformation they lost sight of their original dream. They saw the potential of love, and as they grew, so did their grandiose.

They tried to stay neutral, but the affection was too addictive and they succumbed to temptation. In their hearts, they are being sincere; they just want a mother’s love, attention, and affection. And since no woman can equal up to that great woman, they accept the best qualities from all. They are still a work in progress, it just takes them time to realize that they have become the man they never wanted to be. But don’t pity them…oh believe me they are enjoying the ride the entire way, but they do intend to get back on track.

Take a minute, think about it

You're (boy) friend may not be just a heartless manwhore.

Dig deeper.

bed and sleep await my humble arrival,

*sighs in pleasure*

have a lovely night, lovely people :)

hugs & kisses.

Friends, Foes? Love, Lust?

So funny story.
I was told today that I don't practise what I preach.
True story, haha.
No but for real, about a 3 months ago tharindu and clementine asked me how I pro advise but my own "love life" as we like to call it, runs down the sewage.
At the time, I honestly didn't have an answer.
I knew its obviously cause I just didnt follow the shit I tell all you people, now I realize though its because in any relationship, power lies in the hand of the person who cares less (that's a quote I stole by the way).
I never had the upper hand. It was always me bending over for him. Me breaking my rules.
I guess love makes you stupid like that.
We all know what we SHOULD do, what is RIGHT, how we SHOULD BE TREATED, what we DESERVE, we just choose not to, in fear we might loose our "better half".
So we insist on being puppets.
That's just the way it is.
We can't help it.
Yes finally, revelation hits! Lol .Oh well.

I find it hard to swallow that strangers make me happier than friends
The minute you let someone into your life
Like a hurricane they destroy and conquer
Its not too much to ask for love unconditionally
But thats only for family not friends apparently
Now I know there are bigots thinking ''maybe you have the wrong friends''
Sadly friendship has got to a point where getting hurt is a norm
And if you dont feel that hurt then you have a stranger in your life
Which might not be so bad if you are also a stranger to them
Telling eachother nice words in passing

A friend as described by the english
is a person who you trust and care about
not someone you just say hi too or have drinks with
not your sex partner or your drug dealer
the paradigm of humanity is in its need to put on a facade

so much goes down the gutters in the souls of people
oh let me say what i want because its who i am, i am blunt
no you moron you are self centered and will never find real happiness
acting like a player, douche and slut is not the way to never get hurt
its the way to cause pain in the life of others
and when they express their dismay dont call them ''dramatic'' or ''emotional'
'because you flushed your emotions away in the dark abyss of your life
doesnt mean I want to be sucked in with you
do what I want because I dont owe you an explanation
its different if you tell me what I do wrong
but seating on a horse and expecting me to read minds
after you blatantly formulate a plan to rid me from your life
because I decided to ''care'' a little more than you

BURN in the HELL of your greed
Chained to the crutches of your insecurity
Remember. What goes around comes back around

loves,
x

On the Wire

Damn. 3 days, no i didnt forget!

so caught up with work by the time I get home its a bee-line to the sack. *yawn*

had a great couple of days though, met up with a bunch of long lost friends, good times in the making :)

anyhow, back to the point of this post,

so time to lay down some quick advice and relate some life lessons ;)

addressing how to handle a break up / fight properly

am not just referring to people, this also applies to friendship

who is to say my way is best

but it sure is better than some stupid things i see people do

first rule of break up is never ''announce'' the relationship to begin with

the world would honestly be so much better without facebook

i mean it is so personal these days

and we allow it by posting our fights, family drama and ''love''

i remember when people had problems you would know because they told you

not on a long status airing out your lack of intelligence

using curse words constantly shows a low IQ and lack of self esteem

second rule is a decent break up environment

DONT text, email or tweet(see what i mean) your decision

look for a nice open space and talk gently

stating out your reason with reason

now if it starts to get heated

remember to always keep a low tone for civility

and if you cant help up it, just up and walk away

give space to clear your thoughts but DONT run away

it will only agitate feelings of resentment from the other party

third rule, never forget what it was like

the good are great but we always remember the bad more

not sure why but its human folly to hold on to past crimes

we always want justice and penance

it was good at some point

you probably threw out some words like ''i love you''

or ''best i ever had'' you know the regular corny crap

use that hold the friendship side of things

romantic involvements are bad to begin with if you are doing it without reason

but what is done is done, so salvaging a bond helps

i hate more than anything people who throw away relationships

i mean come one, we are not children out growing dolls

treat people the way you want to be treated

and people wonder why they are called ''whores''

fourth rule, don't jump into a re bound

biggest mistake is thinking the next nice who comes your way is MR RIGHT

NO he is exploiting you on the 11th man rule

sure he is cute but is that a real reason of attraction

what about you ACTUALLY get to know a person

one month is not enough, even after years of marriage couples still dont know

coming in to act the exact opposite of what you think you have

he will seem great but it will end because you have started an idiotic pattern

a pattern of dating and dumping, then moving ''on to the next one''

don't let your insecurities

cage down you morality

so what if all your friends have a cuddle buddy

man's need for affection is over rated, it never ends well 90% of the time

look around you, how many did you know that were dating that are still together?

years of ''dating'' can end any day but it doesn't have to end

because a real relationship isn't based on fb status changes and kissing

look up the real definition of romance

remove from your head the warped ideology of modern lust

i'm out for the night

much love

xoxo