Shontelle - Perfect Nightmare

And then she woke up and screamed.

Nathaniel.

"You could love me if I knew how to lie," he writes in a note, words hastily scrawled on a piece of ripped out newspaper. His bags packed with his empty closets and his scent lingering a fading farewell. I collapse into the chair, his note shaking in my hands. I see him buying a ticket and boarding a train to the middle of nowhere, where I can't find him. Deserts and sparse shade trees. Mountains in barren wastelands. Despondent countenances and weary eyes.

The note still shaking in my hands, I don't cry. I simply find myself wishing for ignorance.

for a moment,

i was released from this corporeal vessel, and i was watching myself from afar. for but a moment, i questioned my reality, i questioned my existence. too fleeting for my mind to have processed it. i saw my hands and my screen, and i saw the letters on the keyboard, i saw white and orange and yellow, but none of it made sense to me. then i was back to reality, back inside my body, and that out of body experience -as we call it- was over. its remnants are still hanging over the clouds of my mind. like those foreign thoughts have evaporated and are now suspended in a mist at the roof of my cranium, waiting for a crack, so they can seep in again and carry me away with them. To you. If only you knew..
x

Nauseous Regrets.

I stepped into the room inhaling the remnants of your fading perfume. I looked for you in the empty corners. I painted your ghost on the cushions. I stood and listened to your silent whispers. I attempted to siphon your words from the memory of the wood, the space in a thought. I drew your gestures in the nonexistent breeze. Swift flutters of dust outline your memory. Half empty teacups and unsettled pillows scream of your presence. I held your breath close to my ear. The rising and falling cadences of your voice played notes across my skin. Your empty smile, your hollow eyes, I closed my eyes and saw you there, clear as my fingers before me. I waited. Fearing that you would appear, hoping that these memories would be all that I had -I waited.

Amidst the Greenery.

It physically pains me to see the world rushing past me while I stand there frozen. And it's not a fear, knees buckling induced type of inaction, it's just that I can't. I'm glued. I'm stuck. I've stared into the eyes of truth and it's turned me to stone. My fingers are haunted with the memory of movement, the sensation of blood flowing through their veins. My arms recall the excitement of goosebumps. My hardened heart tries to remember what it felt like to beat, what it felt like to quicken with anticipation, with fear. My eyes recall tears, my mouth craves moisture, my tongue longs for a taste of salt. The kisses of wind are wasted on my numb body, the whispers of trees fall on blind ears. Laughter fractures my stone, painting jealousy in its everlasting cracks. I try to smile, but the corners of my lips split and break until I'm left with nothing more than a wretched scowl. And there it is, my stone edifice, my testament to my wasted loyalty. There stands my failure. There stands my lost hopes and dreams. There stands everything I would have fallen for.

Rayne I

Wrapped in her towel, she lays on her back on the floor. Shoulders back and head high, she places her hands on her stomach and closes her eyes. She takes a deep breath as she allows the thoughts to shroud her, evaporating all worry with the glistening drops of water. She hears a knock at the door, "Come in," she calls through closed eyes.Lucas walks in, "Oh, sorry," he hastily apologizes turning around to exit the room.
"No, no," she tilts her head to look up at his frame behind her, "come join me," she grins invitingly. He reluctantly closes the door and lays down beside her, adjusting his body to mirror hers. Closing his eyes, he asks, "What are we looking at?"
"The stars," she replies wistfully, her eyes still closed.
"What about them?" he asks again as he begins to picture them.
"Everything," she sighs.

Soliloquy

I often found myself wishing for a reason for heartbreak. Wishing for someone that I loved so much, there was actually a reason for me to have some form of fluctuation in this stagnant heart of mine. But they say be careful what you wish for, and I usually am, but not this time. In the dark of the night, my jaded mind on the pillow, I come to the realization that I am heartbroken. This weary muscle in my chest is chipped and faded, weary and unmotivated. I do have a reason. Just not the reason I wanted.