Craigslist.

"What Happened to All the Nice Girls?"

I see this question posted with some regularity in the personals section, so I thought I'd take a minute to explain things to the men out there that haven't figured it out.

What happened to all the nice girls?

The answer is simple: you did.

See, if you think back, really hard, you might vaguely remember a Platonic gal pal who always seemed to want to spend time with you. She'd tag along with you when you went shopping for the nights "smokin' date", stop by your place for a movie when you were lonely but didn't feel like going out, or even sit there and listen to you while you droned on about how horribly the (other) girl that you were fucking treated you.

At the time, you probably joked with your guyfriends about how she was a little puppy dog, always following you around, trying to do things to get you to pay attention to her. They probably teased you because they thought she had a crush on you. Given that her behavior was, admittedly, a little pathetic, you vehemently denied having any romantic feelings for her, and buttressed your position by claiming that you were "just friends." Besides, she totally wasn't your type. I mean, she was a little too short, or too bald, or too fat, or too poor, or didn't know how to dress herself, or basically be or do any of the things that your tall, good-looking, sexy, rich, stylish girlfriend at the time pulled off with such ease.

Eventually, your Platonic buddy drifted away, as your relationship with the girlfriend got more serious and spending time with this other girl was, admittedly, a little weird, if you werent dating her. More time passed, and the girlfriend eventually cheated on you, or became boring, or you realized that the things that attracted you to her weren't the kinds of things that make for a good, long-term relationship. So, now, you're single again, and after having tried the bar scene for several months having only encountered whores blondes and douche bags, you wonder, "What happened to all the nice girls?"

Well, once again, you did.

You ignored the nice girl. You used her for emotional intimacy without reciprocating, in kind, with physical intimacy. You laughed at her consideration and resented her devotion. You valued the aloof girlfriend more than the attentive "just-a-" friend. Eventually, she took the hint and moved on with her life. She probably came to realize, one day, that men aren't really attracted to girls who hold doors open; think you smell great when you wearing the same shirt for 4 days; or make dinners just because; or buy you a Christmas gift that you mentioned, in passing, that you really wanted five months ago; or listen when you're upset; or hold you when you cry. She came to realize that, if she wanted a man like you, she'd have to act more like the girlfriend that you had. She probably cleaned up her look, started making some money, hid behind a mask of make up, and generally acted like more of an bitch than she ever wanted to be.

Fact is, now, she's probably getting laid, and in a way, your ultimate rejection of her is to thank for that. And I'm sorry that it took the complete absence of "nice girls" in your life for you to realize that you missed them and wanted them. Most men will only have a handful of faithful girls stumble into their lives, if that.

So, if you're looking for a nice girl, here's what you do:

1.) Build a time machine.

2.) Go back a few years and pull your head out of your ass.

3.) Take a look at what's right in front of you and grab ahold of it.

I suppose the other possibility is that you STILL don't really want a nice girl, but you feel the social pressure to at least appear to have matured beyond your infantile taste in women. In which case, you might be in luck, because the nice girl you claim to want has, in reality, shed her nice girl mantle and is out there looking to unleash her cynicism and resentment onto someone JUST LIKE YOU.

If you were five years younger.

So, please: either stop misrepresenting what you want, or own up to the fact that you've fucked yourself over. You're getting older, after all. It's time to excise the bullshit and deal with reality. You didn't want a nice gril then, and she certainly doesn't fucking want you, now.

Sincerely,

A Recovering Nice Girl.